When the Safety Nets are Gone

As many of you know, as of last night, there were two confirmed cases of COVID-19 found in Haiti yesterday evening. These are the first cases found in the country as of now, and the news didn’t come lightly. Haiti will go on lock down again, but this time by choice. A country with many involuntary lock downs, scarcity and shortages already happening before the corona virus even existed, a country already living through a season of fear of what might happen….

It doesn’t seem fair. It’s painful. We knew it was coming, we clung to the hope that Haiti would be spared from this virus that has put the rest of the world on hold. As missionaries our hearts are broken for this place we now call home, and these people we now call family.

But, this is reality now. We are stepping into yet another unknown.

And from a missionary perspective, this time, it feels different. The safety nets we have in place are no longer a guarantee. And it feels like a deep intentional attack from Satan. And quite honestly, it feels like there is no out.

Even though I am living in Haiti, I have always had the guarantee that at any time I needed to, I could hop on a plane and go back to the States to take a break. But now, the Haitian airport is closed. For the first time since moving here, I truly don’t know when I will see my family next. It feels scary. It’s heartbreaking. So many friends here are feeling the pain of this new reality as well, and my heart hurts for them too.

I have a dear friend and co-worker here that I am used to seeing everyday. With social distancing and hours cut back, I am not quite sure when I get to see my friend again. My friend’s presence brings me peace and calms me… I’m worried for my friend, and I miss the security and consistency of seeing him everyday. I miss the guarantee of this daily safety net.

Small creature comforts are going to grow scarce soon… familiarity is going out the door.

My routine may yet again change. I may lose more freedoms and independence… Just as I am buying a car.

If I can be completely honest, as a person living with anxiety, I’m struggling as I watch as each of my coping skills are being stripped away. The routine and structure I thought I had is being flipped on its head. And on top of my personal struggle, my heart aches for my Haitian friends as I watch them slip into the grip of fear. It hurts so much to see them terrified.

But as I have sat in this heart ache with my God – in my tears, in my anger and confusion, in my fear – He has been faithful in lifting my eyes again with a question….

“With your safety nets gone, will you lean on Me?”

I feel the spiritual attacks of Satan in a major way right now. I feel like the attacks are daily, and he just won’t stop. But, God in His goodness, is using this season to teach me and refine me even more.

I have a choice to make… when things get harder, when my comforts and distractions are growing more and more scarce, when the injustice and hurt around me grows… Will I still walk in obedience to the calling He gave me? Will I trust Him, and will I learn to trust in Him alone? Will I refocus my heart on Him? Will I remember that my distractions and coping skills are not what I worship, and are not where my ultimate peace will come from?

Today, with everything in me, I am choosing to say ‘yes’ to Him.

I will lean on Him, and Him alone. I will step into the unknown with Him by my side. Through my tears, through my heart ache, through the fear… I will choose to trust in His goodness.

This is a season of trial, fear, and heartache for all of us in some way. We are all facing the fear of unknown, and the fear of big changes.

But friends, we have a choice….

Will you lean on Him while your ‘normal’ is shifting?

With changed routines, many unknowns and uncertainties, and situations that feel unfair, will you walk with Him?

Will you say ‘yes’ to trusting Him today?