Hiding Place

“I have had enough, Lord.”

As I sit here writing this blog, I don’t really know what’s going to come out. Talking about the situation in Haiti has become difficult for me. I’m currently displaced from Haiti, but I’m fully committed to returning home. I also know that while I have some shared experiences with Haitians, my situation is far from being “the same”. I’m immensely privileged to have a place to call home in America, and a group of family and friends who are more supportive than I can explain. My experience and emotions are so complex, and I’ve been so afraid of saying the wrong thing. But, I’m feeling called to share my perspective- I’m trusting the Lord with rest, and that this will fall on the right ears.

This week, Port-Au-Prince has once again seen vicious attacks by gangs. Horrific things have happened on the streets, and people are being warned through broadcasts put out by the gangs not to leave their homes. And, as you likely know, the airport once again was hit with gunfire. This time, multiple planes were struck, leading to a 30 day flight ban. I was in Haiti the last time the airport was hit. I was sure it was a crazy, one-time horrific situation that would surely never happen again. Watching it unfold again while in the States feels unreal.

I was also sure I would be home by now. Watching my pathway home once again be ripped away is heartbreaking; the pain only grows when people suggest I must be happy I’m here instead of there. This couldn’t be further from reality for me… I am so homesick that it physically hurts at times.

Today, I read the story of Elijah in 1 Kings, chapter 19. This is directly after he challenged Ahab and his false god, Baal. He had proven the power of the one true, living God – the God of Israel. And now, he was being hunted down by Ahab and Jezebel. After running for his life, Elijah cries out to the Lord in verse four – “I’ve had enough.”

I, my Haitian friends, and my missionary friends, can relate.

We have had enough of the violence. We’ve grieved enough loss – of loved ones, and of dreams. We’ve had enough disappointments. We are tired of fleeing our homes. We are tired of schools closing. We are tired of hospitals being attacked. We are tired of major ports being ransacked. We are tired of being afraid to simply walk down the street. We are tired of malicious agendas being formed behind the scenes. We are tired of injustice. We are tired of apathy. We are tired of watching this beautiful country be brought to its knees.

We’ve had enough.

As your read on in the chapter, you find that the Lord meets Elijah in his fear and exhaustion. He feeds him, He leads him to a quiet place to rest, and most importantly – He invites Elijah into His presence, renewing his strength and restoring his soul.

And then, the most important part of the story unfolds. God commands Elijah to return to the work God laid before him. And he returns

Haiti missionaries are exhausted – can you imagine how our Haitian friends are feeling?

Today, as I am overwhelmed with phone calls and texts from friends detailing what they are going through on the ground, and as I’m experiencing brutal homesickness, I’m having my “I’ve had enough” moment with God.

So, I will let Him lead me to a hiding place for rest. I will let take in His presence and glory. And then, I will return to the work He has laid before me. This work is not getting easier; but He is still the same God – consistent, all-powerful, the Prince of Peace, the Mighty One. Praise God, I am not responsible for what happens in Haiti tomorrow, or the next day, or over the next year. I am simply called say “yes” to His call in doing my part.

I am so thankful today that I serve a God who isn’t surprised or overwhelmed by what is happening in Haiti. I am thankful that He meets me in my grief, my anger, and my exhaustion, and restores my soul. Praying this over my Haiti family – both my Haitian circle, and my missionary circle.

May the God of Elijah, who is the same God today that He was back then, surround you with His presence. May He refresh and restore you in the depths of your soul. And may you continue the work to which He has called You with a supernatural strength that only He can give.